When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
