she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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