..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
