Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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