She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
