Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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