I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
