i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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