what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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