1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
