I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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