He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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