i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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