He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
