You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
