I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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