It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
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