Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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