The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
