do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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