Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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