I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
