Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize