Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
