Michael Bay diarrhea
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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