I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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