i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
