Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
