I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
