They should really pass out barf bags in church
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
