I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
How's work?
Spinning.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
