wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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