Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
