Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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