I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
