i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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