I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
