remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
