It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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