I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
