Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
