You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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