if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
