I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
