the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
