dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
