i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
