Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
