that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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