They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
