She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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