My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize