Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
