Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
