Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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