Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
