well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
