She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
