Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
