I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize