Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
