she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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