True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
soo... how was my night?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize