also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
