you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
