Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
