if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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