Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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