he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
