he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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