please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
