He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
