8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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